Remember the first post?
“I got my phone out to log it all in.
And then thought:
And haven’t opened MyFitnessPal since.”
Also true though.
But there’s one thing I haven’t said there.
That wasn’t the first time I tried to stop.
I tried and failed a few times before that.
Never anything drastic though.
Like I’ve never deleted MyFitnessPal or anything.
It was always gentle.
More like testing the waters, you know.
See what it feels like.
See how I feel not counting.
And rememeber, even this time.
This was written in retrospect.
I didn’t say anything on Instagram for over a month.
I didn’t want to put myself under pressure.
I didn’t forbid myself from tracking.
But back to the times I failed before.
Looking back, I’ve done it all.
I’ve done the “Yay, I’m not tracking, let’s eat everything in sight until I feel sick” stage.
I’ve done the “I’m not tracking so I snack all day” stage.
I’ve done the “I’m not tracking so I’m eating a half of a jar of peanut at 11pm” stage.
I’ve done the “I’m being good, eating intuitively during the day and then eating all the dessert at night because it’s over tomorrow” stage.
Then I had loosely tracked days.
Sometimes I was eating mostly veg and meat because I wasn’t sure what’s in all the other stuff.
Sometimes I was anxious whether I should eat more or not because I didn’t know how many calories I had left.
I even had untracked weeks.
I had one just before leaving Edinburgh.
It was fine actually. I wasn’t overeating or taking too much of an advantage of it or anything.
But I remember, I was just nervous.
I felt like it was out of my control.
I felt like I didn’t really know whether I’m putting on weight or losing.
Eating according to my hunger seemed ridiculous.
It’s kind of hard to admit but
I didn’t trust my body anymore.
I was out of touch with my hunger.
Obviously I knew when I was really hungry, but.
I trusted the numbers more than I trusted my body when it was telling me it needs more food.
I know, sounds kind of sad and mad but it’s the truth.
And I think it’s the truth for most people who are tracking for a long time.
That’s why I always went back.
It was easy for me, it made sense, it gave me control.
I started thinking that it’s not okay.
All those confessions from last post.
It’s kind of ridiculous that we do that, isn’t it?
There’s a thought that keeps coming back to my mind recently.
Just because you don’t know the calories, the macros in a meal.
That doesn’t mean they disappear.
They still impact your body in THE SAME WAY.
`The protein fills you up, carbs give you instant energy, fat keeps you fuller for longer and satisfied.
How about we start shifting our attention from “I’m after a workout I need protein I need carbs”.
How about you forget the numbers and just have some bread, have some eggs or have some beef and spaghetti.
And then just wait.
Wait until your body is hungry again.
You’ve been counting for ages, so don’t pretend you don’t know what’s nutritious, what’s a good serving, what’s moderation.
I mean when you’re ready.
I know it took ME a while to actually be ready.
You don’t have to though.
But I assume that you’re reading this because you kind of want to.
It’s a journey.
To be continued
Shameless Instagram plug: @sunshine__susan